My best guess is that I was a teenager when I first saw the movie “Death Becomes Her”, I was so intrigued that I must have watched it at least ten times in a row. I found the movie to be haunting, funny and it said so much about vanity. But the idea of death wasn’t always entertaining, as a matter of fact, I spent my early teenage years paranoid about the very thought. The night of my 13th birthday I began experiencing horror dreams. I woke up in terror recalling the murder of my family members. In my family, turning thirteen is a huge milestone. Age thirteen meant that we were now completely responsible for our own relationship with God, little did I know, I really wouldn’t have a choice. Those night horrors caused me to run in the opposite direction from a relationship with God. Could you blame me? I correlated my visions of my family being murdered with learning about God. Later, I discovered that I could only run so far, so fast, for so long before realizing I would be running in circles until I submitted to His will.
The Bible says that we must die daily to our flesh, but what does that truly entail? I personally believe that this command means something different for everyone. Each of us was created flawed, born with a thorn in our side that we must overcome by turning it over to God in our prayer life, thus forging and bonding our relationship to Him. That thorn and other “allergens”, known as the sins of the world, dig into our humanity (flesh). Dying daily ultimately means humbling ourselves before God in prayer by identifying and acknowledging that which is flawed within us and submitting those things unto God’s discernment. In this way, “death” is the becoming (evolving) of our entire being for God’s vessel. So, how often do I die? Not nearly as often as I should. If anything, I can become so distracted by life occurrences that you’d think I was just in acoma, on life support trying my hardest NOT to die; because to “die” would mean to: turn the other cheek, forgive, humble myself, give grace, etc. And to be honest, sometimes…I don’t wanna!
For everything in my life that I have buried, for everything that I let die, new life has taken root and grown into some of the most beautiful blessings I’ve ever received. Death became my saving grace, while I was mourning over what I could no longer have, God was rejoicing as He uncovered hidden paths, which could only be revealed by me letting go. Death is not pleasant, my humanity rejects loss as violently as the process of birth. The affect of death is an indescribable pain, its medicine is intangible and the journey of healing is unmeasurable, but it is necessary to cultivate life. Yet, as unpleasant as it is, I’ve never regretted dying to my flesh and/or selfish desires. My only regret was not doing so sooner. Have you died today?