I received a notification from WordPress today reminding me that my blog has been grossly unproductive for the first half of the year. My first thought was, “wow, we’re halfway through the year already?”. I’m fully aware that this notification was automatic and thus void of actual emotion or concern as to my reasoning. Twas’ a fancy algorithm that red flagged me in the system as unproductive. And still, with all my logic, my feelings were pricked. I mean, I’m both very much a newlywed AND a first time Mother through birth. I conceived, nourished & grew an entirely new human being into this world just 8mos ago. I created a LIVING algorithm, take that WordPress notification!!! Please don’t take my rantings seriously, that notification brought me to a(n) much needed revelation, “there isn’t enough time in my day for myself anymore!”
It’s not like I haven’t attempted to write, I have these ideas of grandeur floating around in my head, I grab my laptop…and NOTHING! I have been drawing complete blanks. I even take notes immediately when I have a notion, but alas, it’s like dropping your last pill overboard into the ocean. Most of my ideas for the last year and a half are “lost at sea”. My notes make no sense to me, I can’t recall them, my emotions don’t recognize them; it’s such a waste. Even so, my ideas keep coming, but then so does life.
As I’m typing this, my thoughts are divided. “We need more baby formula, have I paid the cellphone bill this month, have I taken all my vitamins today, does my daughter sound congested, when is her allergy appointment again?,” and somewhere in all these thoughts, I still have to make space to type this entry! I cannot tell you how many skimple words I’ve mystyped thus far (excuse me, how many simple words I’ve mistyped thus far). I love my life, but I am not completely fulfilled unless I write. Writers…WRITE! What am I when my pen is down and my laptop can’t be found and my phone is on the fritz? CRAZY, crazy is what I am! Playdates and swim class and marital dates to make sure we last; and girl talk and going for walks and taking trips to grocery stores; and quality time (that isn’t mine) and cooking divine and going out to dine when I don’t feel up to cooking anymore; spreads me entirely too thin. I NEED my outlet, my mental aerobics, my writing. Writing helps me see my life from the right perspective. Even though, at times, things seem a little “Lemony Snicket-ish” (read the book)…like a “series of unfortunate events”, I wouldn’t trade a thing.
Except, I would definitely designate more writing time!