I secretly fantasize about the “peacefulness” of being a financially stable single parent. I’m enticed with the idea of waking up in a clean bed with perfectly neat, Egyptian cotton sheets under a snow white, goose down duvet. Having the temperature set exactly how I like it, a closet as big as a master bedroom to hold all my clothes and shoes without complaint. I imagine a huge master bath with built-in cabinets, shelves, a vanity, a water closet with a toilet seat that I don’t have to fully examine it before I sit. I won’t have any animosity about cleaning by myself so my home would be clean (sometimes messy). I’d have big floor to ceiling tinted bedroom & bathroom windows that would overlook hills and valleys smothered with wild vegetation. Every room in my home would smell like a mix between baked goods and eucalyptus leaves. I’d be free to purchase as many candles and plug-ins as I please, Bath & Body Works would love me again. Yes, this is my fantasy…or is it?!

The truth of my reality is that I live my “fantasy” five days a week and let me tell you…it ain’t glamorous. I don’t have the perfectly neat bed with Egyptian cotton sheets and a duvet, a huge walk-in closet or the bathroom of my dreams, all I have is the “single mother” aspect. I’m married but my husband travels for work so I’m essentially a “single wife”. My house is a disaster because I have no help (and when I do have help, I also have unhappy reluctance). I pour all my energy into making memories with my daughter, starting a business, writing, working out, church activities and cooking. When my doctor prescribed no sex for a month I was ELATED, no energy equals little to no desire. Normally, my libido isn’t satisfied with sex (I’m not talking about the shortcuts that only offer release like masturbation or oral either) less than four days (not times) a week. However, the way I’ve been feeling lately made my doctor’s restrictions feel like a marriage vacation.

I value the reality of my marriage partnership a great deal more than my fantasies. A fantasy isn’t real, it’s what I imagine life is like on the other side of the fence; a life without challenge, obstacle or tragedy. But bliss is not achievable without triumph over trials; if I’m going to experience hardships anyway, I’d rather do it hand in hand with someone I love, who loves me back. I fantasize about other things contrary to my reality as well like: going on exotic vacations with my husband sans baby, owning a mansion with a full ten car garage and other random things. My fantasies help me digest reality when it gets a little tough to chew on. After a disagreement with my husband I tend to dream about being a widow, but we have an agreement that he’s never allowed to die (I’m serious…extremely serious). When my baby feels the need to throw a tantrum, I daydream of my life before kids (like my college days), it completely calms me enough to douse my daughter’s tantrum with patience. Look, fantasizing about mansions is fun but…who has the time, energy or desire to clean that thing? Hubby and I may dream of going to Europe, but leaving our 1yr old that long would make us paranoid. As you can tell I have a very healthy fantasy life that’s balanced by the reality of my life, LOL. I dream the impossible dream so that I can be a healthy version of myself for my family and others.