“Oh My Soul”

My soul is vexed. I’m searching for words that will express my feelings but they won’t surface.

My soul is numb. Praying I don’t develop PTSD from the murder of my people and loved one. I understand how some can be at peace while others reach for their piece, because I have both those feelings and I’m only one person.

My soul is conflicted. It’s getting harder to walk down the street and encounter those who…fit the description…of the ones who discriminate, the ones who spread hate, the ones who are threatened by my race.

My soul is in contemplation.
I saw a post that read, “I will remember and I will recover, I will not forgive or forget,” and I thought to myself, “I can relate to that!”

My soul is hurting.
I know recovery is an inward process that will cleanse me of the hate that the world is trying to deposit in my soul,
but I am no longer naive enough to believe that it’s my forgiveness the world is deserving of.

My soul is angry.
“Forgive them, for they know not what they do,” DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU!
You, who are of sound mind, body and authority
are a disgrace to us minorities
who deserve protection and peace.

My soul is grieving.
Forgiveness will NOT cause you to cease
but to repeat history
in a decade, or two, or three…
however long you think I’ve forgotten just how ugly you can be.

My soul is imbalanced.
The best I can hope to do is to recover,
before I become the manifestation
of the evil inside of you.
Before I become the hate you gave reason to,
Before I look at you with the same disdain
Before I generalize without hesitation
Before I become the mirror image of you.
Before I start to hate you too.

—L.K.D.—“

My people, recovery is a long road but it’s one worth traveling. While we are rightfully hurt and angry it is important that we are mentally healthy to endure the fight ahead. Mental health checkups are just as detrimental right now as the need for action. FEEL. YOUR. FEELINGS. But don’t let them destroy you. 😘

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