“Dreaming In Agony”

How could God be so cruel as to make me worthy of you?

You love me physically and mentally, you support the things that I do.

You encourage and inspire me to follow my dreams despite you.

Your love is so honest, I see H.I.M in you.

I run for cover and take solace in my dreams of you,

not because they’re perfect, because they’re the opposite of you.

In my dreams you make me cry and hurt me to my core,

you are the villain who doesn’t want me anymore.

In my dreams we argue with little resolution,

but when there is one, we use sex for restitution.

Or there’s another woman that I catch you with,

you never saw me coming,

I walk in on the act in it’s midst.

And though this painful logic, is twisted at it’s core;

when one dream is over, I long for more.

Painting you as the villain may seem sick,

but understand my darling, it prepares me for what if.

Life often teaches that fairytales must end,

so I expect the same with us, it’s only a matter of time when.

You see now I’m lost in your eyes and embraced by your smile,

I can’t fathom what would make our cloud come down.

I loathe seeing you everyday, each time you take a piece of my heart away.

You protect my virtue as your prized possession,

I’m surrounded by your protection.

I don’t trust myself with you, but I have unwavering trust in you.

You see who I am without opening your eyes,

I wonder if you’re wearing a disguise.

So I dream in agony to make this love seem real,

like those who loved me before and caused my heart to be still.

You don’t disrespect me like someone I loved before,

or get upset and (in anger) threaten to knock me to the floor.

You don’t live two lives like this other guy,

and conceive a child you hide from me and claim it slipped your mind.

You don’t say I’m the one like someone I dare not mention,

then leave me for another because I have “too much potential”.

You don’t say you want me when it includes physical attention,

then when I follow God, take a different direction.

And that’s the love I’ve known, it’s sad and not worth the mention.

But that’s what was real to me, but you love me like love from another dimension.

And I cherish the love you’ve shown, and I anticipate our love will grow.

And I appreciate the love you give, and I will protect it as long as you live.

And I value the man that you are, and I continually strive to be as deserving as you are.

And I will promise to put God first, and trust Him to make our relationship work.

And although I dream in agony, I value the fact that I live in a fantasy.

–L.K.D.–

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